Posted by: adventuressetravels | August 6, 2010

See the World with New Eyes

“Just look at the red light.  A kaleidoscope of colors swam in front of my eyes; the red dot disappeared in a myriad of bright white points of light.

“Everything go dark now,” the doctor told me gently walking me through the process in his broken English.  Knuckles white, I squeezed the dark blue dense piece of stress-relief foam the nurse had given me as tightly as I could, sick fear welling up in me.  What if something went wrong?  What if my father was right and I shouldn’t do this?  What if? What if? What if?

The world faded for a moment, just like he had told me it would.  Not the abrupt cutting off of vision I had feared, like someone cutting a cord, but more of a gentle fade out.  In the blackness there was the motor sound, the smell of burnt plastic…  My breath came faster and faster, my heartbeat accelerating.  Still, I had to stay still.  I needed to stay motionless if I wanted the surgery to be a success…

I was purposely having someone cut into my body.  I was paying someone to risk my eyesight.

Like a balloon pressed with your finger, the world bowed in.  He was working on my eye, he was cutting, slicing, and dicing, but I couldn’t feel a thing.

“Just listen to the music,” sensing my stress, he talked me through the procedure.

I focused on the gentle classical piano in the background.  With every fiber of my being I focused, clinging to the notes as if the music were a life raft.  Distancing myself from the fear, from what was happening to my body I willed myself into the music.  Only the music was real.

And just as quickly as it had started, the operation was over.  The nurse who had handed me my blue stress-relief hand grip guided me into a wheel chair and pushed me into another room where the doctor shined bright lights into my eyes checking his work.

The surgery had been a success, he declared, and covered my eyes with little white cages, advising me not to open them if I didn’t absolutely have to until I came in for my appointment the next day.

White cages over my eyes, I let D lead me by the hand to the elevator, outside to the street.

Suddenly the doctor was beside me.  “Do you need a ride?”

Three weeks later I went back for my post-surgery tests to make sure the operation had been a success, test my vision, see how the healing was going, and make sure everything was okay.

The healing was coming along beautifully, the doctor happily reported.  On top of that my vision was now 20/20.  I was elated.  I knew I was able to see clearly, but it was nice to have it backed up by a medical opinion.  Somehow it made it a little more real.  The surgery had been completely worth it.  I had new eyes!

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Responses

  1. You had to be awake for this????? That would be a dealbreaker for me. I’d start hyperventilating. 🙂

    • Yeah, you have to be awake because you need to be in control of your eyes. It freaked me out quite a bit, but thankfully I made it through. 🙂

  2. What a relief!


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